5 Things I've Learned Being Married for 7 Years
Wow we made it to SEVEN years! Am I surprised? Absolutely not haha! This is the year of completion. I am so excited to write this blog post because Musa and our relationship is near and dear to my heart. If you’re here for the fairytales, exit out now. However, if you’re here to know how we made it here keep reading!
Musa and I met on Twitter in 2011. While we crossed paths numerous times. We didn’t meet until the perfect time, the RIGHT time!
While the courting stage was pure bliss, being committed to someone in a college setting is far from easy. I mean you’re dealing with temptation at every second of the day. Not to mention we were both in a Sorority and Fraternity. Thankfully, no infidelity on our part. So you don’t have to worry about that portion!
If you ever wondered why people say marriage is work, find out why I’m ready to share 5 things I learned being married for 7 years.
Take the Time Out!
We dated for 3 years before getting married and having children. In a perfect world, I would've waited a bit longer to have children so we could travel and do the fun things young. We still plan to travel the world, we just have a few restrictions at the moment. However, quality time is so important. I can feel when we are off when we haven’t cuddled or “hung out” much. When you’re married it’s so easy to become roommates and to go with routines. While routines are needed especially with having children, they can get a bit BORING. Most times that quality time has to get penciled in on the calendar because ya know, RESPONSIBILITIES. So taking that time to spend with one another KID free and PHONE free is so important to bring your souls back together as one.
Talk the TALK
In every Marriage article you’re going to see why communication is so important in a relationship. We weren’t blessed to read minds and most times (myself included) women think men should just KNOW when something is wrong. I love to talk, I feel like God put me on this earth to talk LOL. However, talking about the HARD things, is extremely hard. My husband is a great listener. He hears my complaints but gosh ol mighty it’s hard to get many words out of him. Which is why I share why we started Marriage counseling (scroll down). See, Marriage isn’t always fairytales. It takes a lot of grit. You are truly growing into 2 different people while trying to grow together and it’s not easy whatsoever. Your interest change, their interest change. Everything changes. So it’s up to you to really put forth the effort together as one. I love how therapy teaches us ways to communicate outside of our personal needs. A simple thank you for taking out the trash can go a long way. Communication can really change the game on so many levels. Being open to listen to keywords your spouse is sharing can really help identify problems head on.
Marriage Needs Fine Tuning
Think of marriage like a car. When you first get the keys you’re so ecstatic about your huge purchase. Once you drive off that lot, your vehicle is now depreciating. Well once that honeymoon stage wears off, it gets REAL. I was never against marriage counseling but we didn’t know how readily available it was for us in the beginning. So we kind of skipped our “oil changes”. Well years in and no oil change can really make a car dysfunctional (not saying we are, it just sounded good lol) . So I’m an advocate for Marriage counseling. Even though we are newbies to it, your therapist can really help in many ways. They know how to go deeper in the relationship and allow for you to be heard when sometimes we brush our emotions under the carpet. As a married woman under 30, I’d say this is KEY in longevity. When you get married, biblically it’s 3 people in your marriage. God, You, and your spouse. Which brings me to my next thing.
Keep your marriage Private
I, Antoinette, LOVE to talk haha. This is something I had to learn early on. Stop sharing your business with others. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing this if I want to keep my marriage private. Well guess what, I’m not telling you WHAT is happening, I’m sharing WHAT I have learned haha. When you get everyone and their mama (because rest assured they will be telling someone else) in your business, it no longer feels exclusive. People start creating this nonexistent person that may be totally opposite of who they’re speaking of.
I will say it’s great to have other married people in your corner to vent to at times but most times they’re the cause of arguments. This is why I felt it was so important to seek out counsel. The therapist is trained to not JUDGE you for your faults. Instead, they will instruct and encourage you to change those habits. You may know me as one person but my husband will know me on a deeper level and vice versa. That’s why I truly love marriage. It’s so sacred and pure. We are living in a society where mask are put on DAILY. Everyone has a mask, no matter how hard they scream to the rooftops.
I read someone’s post the other day about not idolizing couples on social media because you don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors. Well here’s why. . .
Don’t try to compare your marriage
I would never want anyone to idolize us. Not because we aren’t really who we say we are but because biblically you’re not suppose to. There may be things I can handle with my spouse that you can’t and vice versa. I know when I see a couple happy or mad, I never ever EVER want to be in their shoes. Did I mention NEVER? The beautiful part of marriage is, it’s just you 2. No matter what people see on the outside, it’s up to you all to get you all to where you need to be. So while a lot of these smiles on these images had to get a little bribery haha, we are completely in love. It may not be the fairytale you’re looking for, but baby I LOVE MY HUSBAND.
Continue to work on YOU!
Lastly, continue to work on you. Although you are ONE in a marriage. You still need to remember not to lose yourself. I, again, Stan for self care. I can not be the wife or mother I am today if I don’t get myself right. I read my journals from back in 2015 and babyyy I craved a day of just getting my nails painted. Now, it’s a priority for Antoinette to get her nails done. Many say you work on yourself before you get married, but what happens when you turn 30, 40, 50, and so forth? You CHANGE. You have to adapt to the way your body changes and quite frankly your mental too. It’s imperative to me to have Antoinette OK first and then husband and children. I am a vital piece to their puzzle and it’s not complete if I’m in shambles. So while I die to self daily by doing task for my family, I still make sure I have that quiet time to work on me.
I hope this can help those who are wanting or planning to get married. You may be married already and just wanting to hear from another wife. I pray my observation of marriage can bless someone as well. Whether it’s just the push you need for marriage counseling or just a day to rekindle the flame. Comment below if you can agree on any of these things! Do you like newsletters? Get a weekly newsletter from me. I promise I will not spam you! Subscribe here If you’re not, Follow me on Instagram and Facebook.
Xoxo,
Antoinette F-M
— Meet Antoinette —
God fearing Wife, Mother of 3, Social Media Manager, and Blogger. Blogs about her passion with social media, journey through motherhood and wifehood, sharing her testimonies, and honest product reviews.
